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01/11/2013

research is particularly specific

A set of parents may make the decision that they no longer wish to be married and the courts will assist them to do so. BUT the court system and the officers thereof MUST act in a truly professional manner and take the well being and future of these children into account. Sometimes the parents and even extended family members will engage in a battle to settle their differences and use the children as pawns in that battle. Parents and all parties involved need to be encouraged to rise above their own petty ego and vengeance needs and carefully consider the welfare of the children involved.

Attorneys must resist the temptation to see a messy divorce situation as a way of spending more time and effort and therefore making more money for themselves byh aiding and abetting a vengeful battle. Encourage both parents to settle their differences without a prolonged battle and without infringing on each parent's access to the children.
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The research is particularly specific in regard to the need for a continuing relationship between the children and their biological father. The absence of this relationship will have a profound negative impact on the development of healthy self-esteem in the children involved. The court should work to avoid substituting legal language and easily written schedules which may appear to be unbiased and fair in a legal sense but which do not account for the specific and individualized growth and development needs of the children involved. In many cases, older children in particular may need to be given the option of determining of their own accord what kinds of visitation and access works for them and what really is in their own best interest.

It seems clear from my own professional experience that many attorneys have done a great service in encouraging divorcing couples to settle their differences in such a way as to not damage the children. Often this is done in such a way that the attorney might even not receive as high a fee as he or she would have received had they encouraged conflict. On the other hand, I have seen couples and families who may have been able to reestablish their marriage or at least a friendly relationship so that the children would not have to be caught in the middle if it were not for the absolute insistence of one or more of the attorneys involved to "make sure you get everything that you deserve," or "Don't' give in to your emotions now that you have him or her exactly where you have always wanted him or her." Of what great value is it when at the end of a long and lengthy court battle one or more of the parents is so deeply in debt that they cannot even afford reasonable food and housing for their children? If there are serious parental inadequacies which are potentially damaging to children this may be more appropriately an issue for Child Protective Services not the divorce court.